It takes years to become a natural

It sounds contradictory, but it’s true: it takes years to become a natural. In Malcom Gladwell’s Outliers, he claims it takes at least 10,000 hours of practice to get really good at something. And many professional performers will tell you it takes a lifetime to become an overnight sensation.

I’ve been stretching myself lately as a comedian and MC. I’m still learning, but so far I’ve received several nice compliments from friends that I am a “natural.” While I graciously accept the compliments, I must set the record straight.

I worked for years as a nightclub DJ, both during and after college. I had specific coaching on how to hold a microphone, how to breathe and project my voice to grab attention. I had hundreds of hours of practice and watched others who were better to learn how to improve.

I have done hundreds of marketing and sales presentations throughout my career, persuading internal colleagues and external audiences to like what I was selling, be it a product or an idea. Sometimes I succeeded and sometimes I failed, but I always learned something.

I have faithfully attended Toastmasters for close to 7 years, and raised my game by entering speech competitions. With each contest I surrounded myself with coaches and friends who would give me honest feedback. I asked not for compliments, but for tiny adjustments that would make me a better speaker and writer.

And speaking of creative writing, I started blogging in February, 2009 and have since written 273 posts. You are reading #274 right now. They say if you want to be a writer, you have to write. Many of my stories have fallen flat, yet some have surprisingly taken off and been read and shared by thousands. I write at least one post per week, and join in comedy writing conversations in Facebook for instant feedback.

The one element of being a natural that is hard to define is “charisma.” I don’t know exactly what that means, but it has something to do with losing your fear of being judged. It’s about shedding layers of what you think the audience wants you to be and instead… having the courage to just be you.

And isn’t that what “natural” really means?

I Am Not

I am not a runner.

I am not a swimmer.

I am not a public speaker.

I am not funny.

I am not good with numbers.

I am not organized.

I am not strong enough.

I am not able to lose weight.

I am not calm under pressure.

I am not worthy.

These are all things I have said to myself at some point in my life.

“I AM NOT…”

Three words that guarantee you will never be.

Don’t quit your night job

I walked in two hours early, just to get a feel for the stage and environment. It’s a preparation method I learned doing Toastmasters speech contests. I strolled past the framed pictures of famous comedians who have entertained at Tommy T’s over the years, and asked myself “Do I really belong here?”

Of course I do! Why not?

I’ve been an entertainer since kindergarten, when the teacher reported to my mom that I had a hard time staying within the time limit at show and tell. I had a hard time staying within my 10 minutes last night too, but I got more laughter than I predicted in practice. I had quite a few friendly faces in the crowd, and did my best to deliver the greatest hits from my two previous 20-minute performances.

Click here to watch the 13-minute set! (PG-13)

I had a dream as a kid of standing on a big stage making people laugh. I have no illusions about quitting my day job to try and make a living doing comedy on the road. It’s just a hobby, but it sure is fun! I can see that I have a lot to learn and an opportunity to improve my speaking skills. So why not?

This all started by me saying yes to enter a comedy competition. After saying yes, I pulled my act together. That thing you never thought you could really do may be possible after all. Go ahead and sign up, and then figure out how to pull it off.

Use the Catalyst – Part 2

In the recent post, Use the Catalyst, I shared how I transformed my body to be more fit and healthy. It started out as a weight loss mission, but evolved into something else entirely. I found a new formula for living that crossed over into everything I took on. “Make a decision. Make it public. Make it happen.”

I shared “before” and “after” photos to show how my body had changed, but I wish I could show you a photo of how my mind has changed. Like many of you, I was not always proactive. I used to just let things happen to me and then react. This works fine for basic survival, but there’s a lot more to living than mastering the bottom layer of Maslow’s pyramid.

Athletic goals are a good place to start reaching for more, because they are so clear and measurable. Run a race on this date and finish in this time. You can break down what you need to do to get ready, make mistakes and adjustments and then accomplish your goal. Or not.

Other life goals can be more complex, especially in relationships and careers where you must work with others and navigate emotions to get what you want. I have found that my formula still works for the most part. State what you want, break it down, try for it, make adjustments, try again, and eventually succeed. Or not.

The moment of truth in any of these endeavors is that “or not” moment. This is where quitting usually happens. You completely forget the catalyst that originally got you going and settle back into status quo. You proved yourself right… it wasn’t really possible after all. Well, you think you proved yourself right, but you are absolutely wrong.

You are capable of far more than you think you are. I’m sharing my story as just one small example of what’s possible if you can keep going after you experience “or not.” There are many great stories of achievement in youtube if you need even more inspiration.

Maybe my story, or Michelle’s story, will work as external catalysts for you. But I am telling you the catalyst that truly fuels the fire of achievement must come from inside you… something that is important to you or to the people you love.

Find that purpose first… and then follow the formula: Make a decision. Make it public. Make it happen.

Use the Catalyst

My good friend Michelle Alvez has transformed her life through fitness. She is sharing her story in her new blog and posted a Before/After picture to highlight how far she has come. It caused me to flash back to a similar photo moment of my own.

Four years ago, my co-worker was scouting for a website photo shoot and asked me if she could do a couple of test shots. When I saw the pictures of me at home later that night, I ran to the bathroom, stripped and stood on the scale. 189 pounds at age 47. This was the catalyst that started it all.

Fast forward to the picture on the right, which is me at 51 years old and 164 pounds. More importantly, I am wearing the proud smile of a guy who just broke the 2-hour barrier in a half marathon, something I never dreamed of doing at age 47. So what happened in those 4 years?

I could share my complete training and diet plan and all the things I did right, but I feel more compelled to share something else that happened during that time. I struggled. I made mistakes. I got injured. I had schedule conflicts. I went on eating binges. I got discouraged. I had to run at night, in the rain and in the cold. I had to buy a lot of new shoes and family-size bottles of ibuprofen.

So why did I keep going? Why keep pushing and punishing my old body? Because I was making a trade. Every time I rested after working hard, I got stronger. I felt healthier and looked better in the mirror, and I knew I was going to live longer to be there for my family and friends. In other words, it was just plain worth it.

Many of you have experienced a similar catalyst in your life as well. Maybe it was a party photo, a number on a scale, or a bad report from the doctor. I know many of you have slowly fought your way back to fitness just as I have, and I applaud you!

If you haven’t gone as far as you want to go yet, take heart. It’s your life and you control the time clock for your goals. You will experience all the same adversities I listed above, and then some. And then one day… you will look at the new after photo and not recognize the person in the before photo. And you will have traded wisely.

Use the catalyst and react.

Unlearning

OK I got this…left-handed parallel parking on a steep cobble-stone hill in a rental car with a manual stick shift in busy downtown Edinburgh. I squeezed the SUV in with inches to spare, jumped out in the street to celebrate only to see the “Residents Only” parking sign. Heavy sigh.

This was my first attempt at driving on the other side of the road in the UK. Like an endless game of Crazy Taxi, I navigated narrow winding streets, alien signage and hectic roundabouts with up to 6 exits. Even though my family feared for their lives on more than one occasion, I eventually got everyone to our destinations safely.

The most interesting challenge was the highway driving. I have been driving for 35 years on the right side of the road, sitting in the left-side driver’s seat. When I got out on the open road on the way to Glasgow, the car kept drifting left on me. My brain wanted my body on the left side of that lane, and I had to force myself to keep steering toward the line on the right to keep my tires off the shoulder on the left.

It was a lot like any habit we try to change in our lives. It’s never quick and easy. It takes conscious and repeated effort to alter the behavior until your brain finally accepts the new pattern. And even then, it’s easy to start drifting back to the old way when you get tired or let your guard down. Luckily I had those little bumpy things on the shoulder to remind me when it started to happen.

I’m not sure if I really earned my left-side driving merit badge, because I would have maybe scored a 6 out of 10 on a family satisfaction survey. But I did get a nice reminder about learning new skills and habits. You’ve got to give yourself enough time to unlearn an old habit before the new one will stick. And why not ask your friends to be little bumpy things to remind you when you’re off course?

Stay with it. You can do this.

A guy like me

Why did I pay money for the opportunity to put my mind and body through an exhausting challenge like the Ironman 70.3? It was an extremely difficult combination of swimming, riding and running through the beautiful rolling hills of Napa Valley. I was able to finish in just over 7 hours. Why did I do it?

There are two primary reasons:

Reason #1 – To prove to myself that I have no limits. My successes and failures in endurance events over the last 4 years have taught me that anything can be conquered… even by a slightly overweight, 51-year old marketing manager. I am not a naturally gifted athlete or born special in any way. I barely made the soccer team in high school. I’ve learned that accomplishing athletic goals takes decisiveness, discipline and determination. And this formula has carried over into my career and non-profit fundraising work as well.

Reason #2 – To prove to you that you have no limits. That’s right I’m talking to you. It doesn’t matter what level you are at right now. There is another level you can reach. Since I have started writing about my adventures and sharing results in Facebook ad nauseum, several of you have reached out to me with private messages asking for advice. I am always happy to share everything I know and help my friends get off the couch. And I love it when you finally knock out all the excuses and go after a healthier life.

During the triathlon yesterday, I chatted with a fellow rider named Patricia Bell. She’s the full-time mother of 4 kids between the ages of 2 and 8. I asked her how she could possibly fit in enough training to do the Ironman 70.3. She has 2 kids in school and 2 that she takes to the day care at the gym during her daily workout. It’s hard but she makes it work. Most importantly, she had that same spark of determination that I have found in myself.

Decisions we make in life determine what we do in life. I will continue to set new goals to prove that most limits are self-imposed and artificial. Think about it. If a guy like me can do it, couldn’t you do it too?